I finally have the courage to write about you.

I just had a small fight with this guys over here. He complained that his name was not on the list of the people that sent me off the other day. Little that he know, that he is going to get his own post. Well actually, i was not strong enough on mentioning him because i know it will make me sad. But it was not fair for him. He is a big part of me that deserves appreciation. 

The first time i told him that i am leaving for UK to study here for one semester, he said OK. I was like, "are you sure you're okay?" and he said, yeah im okay. Just go on with it. So, as a typical girl i thought he doesn't love me or care for me. He is "okay" with me going. I was expecting some kind of love dovey speech or a bit of tears when i go. Only a few days after i left that he said the moment i went down the escalator in KLIA, he felt like he was losing someone and even when his friends came and rub his back, he felt the loss. I also found out his "true feelings" through the letter he wrote me. It was after i left, so i couldn't really response to it in person and convince him i'll be fine. 

That's just this thing about guys, they don't really tell their feelings to us. I was left abandoned with my own thoughts and i was lucky enough to know the truth days later! He could have mentioned it earlier so that it makes me feel better right? I need to hear it on my own so that i know that he loves me. So that i know that he will be waiting for me, and also he will be missing me when im gone.

Men are too simple.

Anyway, I realize that when he didn't show me any sign of weakness, it makes me stronger than i am. 3 days before I go, he even register himself for Unifi and had to commit RM179 monthly wifi bill. I know it was for staying connected with me. His burden has increased now because of me and i felt bad. But Zaem being himself that i know, he will always tell me that "tak apa, duit boleh cari". In his letter, he wrote that he is sorry that he cannot come and visit me because it is very costly and he didn't have the money. He knew how badly i wanted him to come. It was my fault actually. I told him I would never ask for anything else if he come and visit me here (puppy eyes). I felt so bad for being selfish and i shouldn't have said that i wanted him to come. Hmm

It will be a few more months before I get to see him and the longest we survived so far was only 2 weeks. Yes, our houses are close to each other so it was super duper easy to see him. Its been one week so far, and now i started missing having this favorite person with me. No one can help me finish my meal when I eat out, because he always eat my leftovers. No one to pinch my cheek while i was not looking and say "comel gf sayang ni". No one to share my green tea frappucino with because i always buy grande size and share with him. No one to tell me i am pretty, when i feel like the ugliest in the human kind. No one to go on random dates with...

To my dearest boyfriend, do you know that you are somewhat more than just a boyfriend for me, you are my best friend. We share on pretty much everything whenever we are together, from food to thoughts and opinions. I will surely felt different, not having you around. Thank you for sending me off last week, and thank you for all the sacrifices that you make for me. I appreciate it a lot and now that we are far apart, I think I will love you more each day.

I think i am starting to miss you now. But you're sleeping hmm.